Write What You Know

That’s what they say. Put on the page what hurts – not just the pleasures of life. Write the truth. I actually didn’t write much in 2023, other than notes in social media, texts and/or emails, a few cards or letters. I felt weighted down by despair, too much illness, too much hiding behind the green curtain, each day doing my best to uncover the good times that eventually came along. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Physically, politically, psychologically, there’s always another shoe.

I was planning on peeling a bowlful of fruit this morning, to juice it all up for later thirst quenching. Instead, I’ve discovered this physical joy in writing at my desk under the bright light of day, contented with the beautiful sight of full bodied persimmons pulling on the bare-leaf branches of the tree across the fence, outside my window on the world in the bright light of day.

This past year has been a delight to me in many ways. Luscious trips to visit friends and family, along with friends and family time right here at home. Time spent alone to ponder life. To read. I joyfully returned to Thailand, found my happiness again in Isla Mujeres, my wanderlust taking me to the UK, Wales, back to Virginia and Florida, up to Oregon. Swimming, hikes, all the joyful and normal things in my life.

And then I got sick with some G.I. issues that seem to want to make a life with me, a path not easy for me, a path that flattens me out, saps my energy, my ability to engage. Frustration and gloom fill many of my days. I’m not used to being laid low by a body that has always carried me forward through storms and uncertainty, to love and cheerfulness and pleasure.

My other health challenge, cancer, which actually causes me no physical symptoms at all, is front and center again. I’ve decided to do six weeks of radiation beginning the first day of the new year – tomorrow – January 1, 2024 – in the odds of killing those little tumor cells that have actually not grown, nor spread, they’re just sitting in the same spot they were first discovered that July 7, 2021.

I think it’s auspicious that the doc’s office called last week to tell me I’d be starting treatment on the first day of 2024, numerologically a number 8 year: “the secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” Yes.

After a year of monoclonal antibodies that kept the little babies where they were and even shrunk them a bit, I’ve decided to see if we can kill them off and not have them with me at all – not let them spread. At all. I have better things to do than put my life on hold for physical challenges. I need to get back to the island where I feel alive: Isla Mujeres. And I’m learning to live with the gut stuff, looking for the serenity that comes with acceptance, as well as physical and nutritional balance.

In writing this today, I know that I’m not all that unusual in having health issues, I imagine many of you reading this are having a more difficult time of it than I am. I just wanted to share with you where I am right now. At home, sitting up and feeling positive and well. Acknowledging in fond gratitude that today I’m well enough to get my ass off the couch and write. Tomorrow I’ll take myself to the clinic and get myself radiated.

I really am looking forward to the new year, building my intentions of a fulfilled life, intentions that I am still working on (a work in progress), built around the twelve themes of the Astrological Zodiac. I’ve relied on astronomy/astrology and other guides for many years. When I find myself lost, I return to the source. Today I’m taking my cues from Astrology Hub’s Amanda ‘Pua’ Walsh in her current course on The 12 Days of Solstice Challenge.

Beginning with Capricorn, these intentions are based on the themes of Discipline, Individuality, Compassion, Enthusiasm, Pleasure, Curiosity, Nurturing, Expression, Discernment, Beauty, Transformation, Vision – all based on themes of the 12 zodiac signs. Compassion, that’s Pisces, that’s me. I’ll be keeping this in front of me as each day unfolds.

In closing, I have to happily add this. If any of you follow U. S. Special Counsel Jack Smith, today he posted his 2024 To do list:

– Trials

– Convictions

– More Indictments

– Get a puppy

And he asked: What’s on your list?

My answer:

– Sip sweet tea in the glow of trials & convictions

– Complete the book I’m writing all the way to the end

– Jan 1: begin 6 weeks radiation to kick my cancer, then travel

– Find serenity w/walks along the shore & in the woods